How bad do I want this?

It’s been two weeks of training already, still easy, getting into the routine again.  I have stopped few times while running 45 minutes, I have complained a little bit, I have asked myself why I’m doing this and I started to feel that empty feeling again in my chest.  All my workouts are by myself, me, my music, and my mind.  It has been me against the hot weather, against the windy days, against the clock. 

Since my last International Distance triathlon in March I have to confess that I lost some of the triathlon passion, mostly the competition, the fear of hard courses, very hot races.  I used to have more confidence, I used not to give up while running, I used to push beyond my limits but something happened to me. 

So after a few months I setup the challenge of the Half Ironman not knowing how to tackle it.  I had the house cleaning and moving so I decided to stop any training, gather myself, think and that’s when Ryan Knapp reached out to me again and asked if I was ready, my answer was YES.  But the slow start, short trainings, hot days still had me thinking again, asking myself why I’m doing this.  I was thinking to do a Half Marathon in December, Ragnar Relay in February and maybe a sprint triathlon in between.  I stopped myself and decided to clear the path to Haines City, all the races are on hold, no half marathon, Ragnar will depend of how I feel and a Sprint distance as well. I want to have solid training in the next 26 weeks left, I want to focus in each training, practice nutrition and feel prepare when April 12^th arrives.

While chatting about nutrition and indoor trainer with lovely coach, mother and triathlete Christina she asked me the question “How bad you want this?” How bad do I want this? How bad do I want this?  I repeated myself that when went for 45 minutes run and every time I wanted to walk I repeated myself the question and the answer came to me easy and spontaneously…I WANT THIS!  Yes!!! 

When I started the triathlon journey 4 years ago I said that by 2015 I wanted to do my first 70.3 and I’m on my way to accomplish this, but in 26 weeks I have to put all the effort, training and focus. 

That question and my answer was like a brand new spark that light my fire again, the emptiness in my chest is no longer there, and the will power came back again with a purpose.

I WANT THIS! IM WORKIN ON IT! And I WILL FINISH!

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunityTo seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?” – Lose Yourself by Eminem



Cheers!